Burning Man - Black Rock Philharmonic
I brought my Trombone to the playa and played with the Black Rock Philharmonic - a 70-ish person symphony orchestra that comes together to perform at Burning Man each year. Our first full orchestra rehearsal was on-playa on that first Sunday of the week and it was such a gift to see so many talented musicians come together and share such beautiful music with the playa (and also refreshing to hear something other than 4/4 bass kick thumping deep house music haha). Having the opportunity to play my trombone with a symphony again was such a grounding and enriching experience for me.
Action shot. The strings were tuning here during a rehearsal at camp Frozen Oasis so I held up my trombone in front of the camera as if I was playing, too, haha.
Music (and playing Trombone) was such a big part of my early life and I had seriously considered studying music through much of High School. Things changed and I ended up taking a different path and so I hadn’t played or performed in any way in over 6 years and hadn’t played in a full orchestra like this in probably 13 or 14 years. I knew I missed playing music with other people, but didn’t expect how much. When we came together for that first rehearsal on the playa and played through our first piece - Holst’s Jupiter - I started crying because of how good it felt to play music with other people like this again.
One big theme of my burn was an honesty with myself in embracing what felt honest in how I wanted to be showing up in that very moment. This feeling can probably be lumped in with “radical self expression”, but nothing about playing with the BRP felt radical to me. It felt so incredibly natural and familiar and “like home” to play my Trombone again, a sort of “oh yeah, this is part of my DNA”. The radical part was in the stark contrast that this honest self expression felt compared to so many other things that manifest in my life which are more rooted in appeasing what others want from me, winning people over, or doing what I need to do to make an economic space for myself in the world.
An added layer to this feeling of deep gratitude for myself in being radically honest in my self expression was how our music was also received and appreciated by the folks who came out to see us perform. Watching the audience was like a mirror for my own felt inner appreciation for what we were doing there. I cried at some point during every performance, and seeing folks listening being moved in their own unique ways filled me with gratitude for what we were all doing there.
I often find myself feeling like there isn’t space for my tender self to find places for expression and witness in the world, whether due to a safely superficial or party-party atmosphere or just my own conditioned expectations for how I’ll be received (or not). Throughout the burn I often felt my honest inner self feeling more calmly quiet, crying, feeling tender gratitude and grief, and each time I embraced that self honestly and brought it out, it only served to invite others into bringing more of their own selves out more honestly as well.
Our Thursday performance was in the evening out at the art structure Paradisium - a group of tree-like structures that you could climb up into and walk between across small bridges. This was my favorite performance of the week. I felt like I played my best, and the orchestra as a whole also sounded the most vibrantly together that night. A lot of friends from my camp also came out to this show and it really warmed my heart to be able to share this experience with them.
It brought me so much joy just to play with the BRP, and it was made so much better by how much gracious energy the audience gave back to us as we performed. One man stood up to give a vigorous clapping standing ovation after each song, which I found pleasantly amusing and energizing. Everyone got up and started dancing around when we played the Can Can (which I thought was the most fun piece for Trombones to play in our lineup this year), and watching the dust slowly float up with the commotion felt magically special. And of course I cried each time we performed Hallelujah.